Too Many to Count & Not Often Enough...

 Yesterday was a beach day!

I posted a picture on Facebook and my brother asked me, 

"How many times have you photographed that rock?"

I replied, "Too Many to Count 

& 

Not Often Enough... I love this place."

I do love Pacific City, 

Cape Kiwanda 

and Pelican Pub & Brewery.

My brother's question got me to thinking about just how many pictures I have from Pacific City.  

I honestly can say there are too many to count.

Some are just of the scenery, 

some are of family and friends, 

and 

some are of the refreshing beverages available at the pub,

and yes,

some are pictures of feet.

I have a tendency to take feet photos more often than I should.

I've been known to take pictures of my feet while enjoying a delicious craft beer.

I know it is a strange thing to photograph, but it isn't about my feet, and it isn't about the beer.

Its my way of saying, I am right here, right now.

It is my way of reminding myself to live in the present moment.

Not just get 'through' the present moment, 

but to live in it, 

good or bad,

happy or sad.

You see...

I believe in soaking it all up.  

I've never been very good at sidestepping problems, 

sweeping things under the rug, 

or going around troubles.

My feet are important because they are my every day reminder to stay grounded. 

Be firm in my stance.  

 

To stand tall in times of turmoil.

My grandpa Barkman taught me that.

But my feet and the feet photos I have taken and collected from family and friends will have to be the topic of a future blog.

 

this blog is supposed to be about the big rock at Pacific City.

You see, 

the pictures I take of the big rock also is my way of capturing the present moment.

Cloudy or Sunny,

Sunrise or Sunset,

High Tide or Low Tide,

Full Moon or New Moon

Alone or with family or friends.

 Pacific City is where I generally head when I need to just 'BE'.

Below are more pictures of the 'big rock' 

and will always be reminders for me of times when I was there, not 'do-ing' anything,

just 'be-ing' present.

Do you have a place you are drawn to when you just need to be?

I hope so....

Steppin' out with DWNTWN
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There will be days like this! More Senior pictures.

Yesterday... the mountains,

Today the kids and I

ventured into the city.

At first we encountered cloudy skies and light rain,
But by mid afternoon we had some blue skies and sunshine.

I thought the Grotto might be a good outing.

The kids had never been there,

Its Lent,

and it might provide a good backdrop for a few more pictures.

I'll admit there was a bit of grumbling from some of them.

I mean seriously...

What mom takes their teenage children to a Grotto/Shrine for a fun time on their Spring Break?

They trudged along
(mostly without complaint)
and in the end actually enjoyed themselves.

We didn't stay too long,
(that probably helped lessen the complaints)
we stayed just long enough to get an overall feel for the place.
I wanted them to experience a bit of the serenity,

say a few prayers,

and give me some time to take a few pictures.



All in all...
a good day.

My momma told me there would be days like this!


What's more appropriate than a little Van Morrison?

When its not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry there'll be days like this
When no ones in a hurry there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there'll be days like this

When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they f it
Then I must remember there'll be days like this

When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks
When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
When its nobody's business the way that you wanna live
I just have to remember there'll be days like this

When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything is
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this

Oh my mama told me
there'll be days like this

Tomorrow ...   The Beach! 

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Have you ever seen the rain on a sunny day?

Today is the 1st day of spring break for the girls.
Today, the Mountains,
Tomorrow, the City,
Wednesday, the beach,
And who knows where we will end up on Thursday and Friday.

We are trying to do Spring Break on a budget.
It keeps life interesting.

Today, Jacquie and Laura bailed on me, but Caroline didn't.
We went up to Silver Falls State Park  (one of my favorite OR spots.)

I took my camera to take some more 'senior picture' photos.
We took some in the Fall mostly to make the year book deadline,
https://www.me.com/gallery/#100370
but Caroline and I both wanted to take more.

Today wasn't a great day weather-wise, but I gave it my best 'shot'.
(No pun intended.)

Here are a few of my favorites prior to photoshopping...

I haven't compared them to my favorites from last Fall yet.
That will come at the end of the week when we are done taking pictures in the City and at the Beach.
It is awesome that we live within an hours drive of all 3... mountains, city, beach!

I got home in time to throw on a pot of my dad's famous chili.
!  :-)  !

As I was cooking I listened to Pandora and Credence Clearwater Revival's
Have you Ever Seen the Rain?...
that is all the keeps running through my mind now.

My answer is "YES!"

It rained and even hailed a little bit as I was trying to photograph Caroline today.
Tomorrow I hope for a sunny day with NO rain.

I hope Wednesday will be ...
Sittin' by the dock of the bay...

You Gotta Love Spring Break!








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I see the moon, at least I hope to!

I have been infatuated with the moon for as long as I can remember.

I have early memories of watching the full moon move from east to west through my bedroom window at night, and watching the moon follow us home in the car.

The moon seemed to follow me where ever I went.   My little girl mind wondered how the moon knew where to find me each night.  

How did it know where I was going be?

My infatuation and curiosity was enhanced by the Apollo missions.

I couldn't get enough of the moon.

Going to the Kansas Cosmosphere in Hutchinson was my favorite grade school field trip.

That was the first time I saw pictures of earth rising.   

My infatuation of the moon has continued to grow.

I've been fortunate to experience hundreds of full moons rising over the plains of Kansas and Nebraska.

One of my favorite moments was sitting in a field surrounded by the bluffs in northwestern Nebraska. 

As the full moon was rising in the east, 

the sun was setting in the west.  

The world seemed as if it was in perfect balance.

Being able to watch the full moon over the ocean at low tide is equally enthralling to me.

This weekend is our next full moon.

I am hoping that the clouds clear out enough that I get to enjoy its luminous smile.

According to NASA this full moon will be the brightest in 20 years because of its proximity to the earth.

It sounds like a perfect time to get out my tripod and camera.

I just wish I was back in the flat land of Kansas or Nebraska to capture it at first peek/peak over the edge of the earth.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/03/18/nasa.moon/index.html?iref=NS1

When my children were small I would sing the 'moon song' to them as I tucked them in at night:

I see the moon, the moon sees me,

peeking through the old oak tree.

Let the moon that shines on me,

Shine on the one I love.

May the moon shine bright on you tonight...

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Family VS Writing: the struggle to make time

This past week has been filled with lots of activities, events, & concerts mixed in with more job searches, resume tweaking, a Shamrock run, court dates, and house cleaning.
It's been fun, interesting, a learning process, and sometimes mundane.
But it's all good.

However, It makes it difficult to find time to blog.

Sigh.

Maybe tomorrow...


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Ripples or Finding Inspiration

When you need to be inspired, where do you look?

Sometimes it is difficult to know where to turn when I need to be inspired,
or simply need a kick in the pants.
Oh don't get me wrong, my kids are a good source for
the 'kick in the pants' I often times need.
But I am talking about something that goes a little deeper than,
"mom, when are you going to start dinner."

How do I find the inspiration I need?
Where should I look for answers unknown?

I have found answers and insight in scripture, meditation,
other people's blogs, reflective readings, music, my family,
(on occasion from within)
and most recently in an email.

Some time in the past year I stumbled upon The Ripples Project.
http://theripplesproject.org/index.php

I don't remember exactly how I came across it, but I remember liking it.
I signed up for a weekly email,
it comes each Monday morning.
Its short and sweet containing 3 inspirational quotes on the same theme.
On a number of occasions it was absolutely perfect for what I needed to hear that week.

The Monday after my dad passed away, the quotes were perfect for me.
It was also right on yesterday after my weekend 'pity party'.
The quotes have been rolling around in my head for 24 hours or so, and
I thought I might share this week's reflections with you.

PEBBLE
Make visible what, without you,
might perhaps have never been seen!
-Robert Bresson

BOULDER
When you allow your best self
to shine through
and have the courage to believe
in unlimited possibilities,
you will discover how wonderfully magnificent
you truly are!
-written & submitted by Elizabeth Hyland, author of
"Surviving The Unemployment Roller Coaster"

PONDER
It may be time to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you really are, as Ms. Hyland states above, Magnificent.  And being Magnificent means that you cannot simply shirk in the shadows, nor can you collapse into a heap because you feel overwhelmed or defeated by the (real) challenges life is presenting to you lately.

Your colleagues, your neighbors, your community, 

and indeed everyone in the entire world desperately 

needs you to release your Magnificence this week.  

So take one more moment to catch your breath 

and then hop up, dust yourself off, 

and then give us your absolute best self.  

Please, and thank you.

Peace,

Paul

A couple of things that have captured my thoughts and inspired me about that email center around the idea that I can help others see things that might not have been seen otherwise. 
This happens all the time as a parent so I know this is true.
I also have to acknowledge that when I get self absorbed,
I am less likely to allow my best self to shine through.
In fact, I tend to retreat and not want to interact with others.

"you cannot simply shirk in the shadows, 

nor can you collapse into a heap 

because you feel overwhelmed or defeated"

Uh...
Yep.
That describes how I spent my weekend.
Maybe not in a heap, but certainly trying to hide and feeling defeated.

Thankfully I didn't stay there too long.

Monday morning came and I got back up again,
Submitted more job applications, cleaned the kitchen,
mailed the bills, bought groceries, worked on Laura's quilt and
got back to the business of life.

I am not sure I felt Magnificent,
but it felt great in comparison to the previous couple of days.

If I keep at it,
if I take one more moment to catch my breath,
Then hop up, dust myself off, and give it my
absolute best, then perhaps that Magnificent feeling will come
by the week's end, at at least it might come...someday.

At least I will feel better for trying.
I am always open to more sources of inspiration...
What inspires you?

Here is the link to another inspirational piece, this time a video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG0wi1m-89o

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Attitudes & Mind over Matter

Mind over matter can work.
I believe that.
I have used mind over matter to get me through some difficult situations in my life.

I was trying to explain to my youngest daughter a few days ago about 'mind over matter'.
It was another early morning drive on our way to school that we had this conversation.

(Every morning is a great morning when I can take her to school!

Even if I do dread the sound of my alarm!)

As I started the car she said, "I think I am getting a sore throat."
"No you're not." I said in a matter of fact tone.
She looked at me quizzically.
I went on to say, "you can tell yourself that you are getting sick,
just as easily as you can tell yourself you are NOT getting sick.

Just convince yourself that you are NOT getting sick."

"Mom! That doesn't work." she said.
"Oh yes it does!" I told her.
I said, "It's Mind Over Matter. Have you ever heard that before?"
"No." she replied.

I tried to explain that mind over matter was about attitude.
Everyday you can choose whether you will have a positive attitude or a negative attitude.
You just have to decide what your attitude is going to be.

I used an example of spilling milk on yourself in the morning before heading to work or school.
You can either say, "Damn it all, this is going to be a bad day."
And then proceed to have a bad day,
Or
One can say, "Thankfully this happened at home and I have time to change my clothes.
What luck! It's going to be a good day!"

I also told her, "Attitudes are contagious.
How you act, or how your friends act, can affect everyone around."

I reluctantly mentioned the old phrase,
"If mom ain't happy, ain't No One happy!"

That at lease got a chuckle from her.
I think then she began to understand.
Then we parted ways exchanging "I Love Yous"

Not a block away from the school either a large pterodactyl
or a flock of gulls
tagged my car from hood to trunk.
My windshield was splattered with a nasty white deposit requiring me to hit the wipers to continue down the road.

I was faced with taking my own advice...
Was this some arbitrary sign of whether I would have a bad day, or not?
Could I take control of my attitude and determine the remainder of how my day would go?
I think so!

I opted to determine my own day.

Besides,
Yesterday I saw a coupon in the paper for $2 off the car wash!
Hooray, it's a good day!

(Some of you know I have been looking for a job.

Being out of work for over a year isn't helping our finances.

Its time.)

Later that same morning, the long awaited phone call from the headhunter came in.
I'd been pursuing this job for a few weeks.
After resumes,
applications,
drug testing,
4 interviews,
and a number of sleepless nights wondering if this was a good decision,
My phone was ringing!

I felt very positive about this job.
I took the call with excited anticipation!

And
I wasn't selected.
I didn't get the job.

Again I was faced with applying my own advice to self...

I wondered...
Was this a sign of something better to come?
Or did I just screw up?
I questioned myself...
Was I too open, too honest?
Too qualified, not qualified enough?
Too intimidating? (I've been told that before.)
Too Self Confident?
Not confident enough?
I don't know.
All I know is that someone else was offered the position.

And I was left to think about and decide...
Would I have a good day, or not?

I like to believe I can take control of my attitude and determine my own day.  Most of the time I am good about maintaining a positive attitude.

I try to live by the idea that every day may not be a great day, 

but there is a little bit of great in every day.  

You just have to look for the great parts.

I made it through that day fairly well,
but admittedly 
this weekend hasn't been as easy.

I've worried too much.
Our washing machine quit working.
I've struggled with feelings of inadequacy.
I nearly deleted all of my 10,000 plus photos off the external hard drive...
I've not felt confident or qualified to do much of anything.

I think we all feel inadequate at times.

We all have days or maybe even weeks when we get down on our selves.

But I try not to stay there long.

Unfortunately this weekend my family has noticed...
"When mom ain't happy, ain't No One happy!"

Damn!  I knew that would come back to HAUNT me!

I should be...
Thankful that we were able to recover the photos,
I should recognize my own skills,
But perhaps this job wasn't a good fit.
And I should not worry as much.
Lord knows my life here at home with the kids is extremely full and I was concerned how I would go back to being a full time working mother with 4 teenagers still at home.
I guess I have another week ... or more ... to figure that out.

All I know is that somehow it will be okay...

And on those occasions when things begin to fall through the cracks,

I will just view them as confetti and PARTY!

Because...

It's all Good!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes about attitude.... 

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are right!” -Henry Ford

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."  -Scott Hamilton

"Say you are well, or all is well with you,
And God shall hear your words & make them true."  -Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Do you have a favorite quote that keeps you going or kicks you in the butt when life gets tough?

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Spiders or Dancing....Do Not Be Afraid.

I've been thinking a lot about the bible readings from this past weekend.
The teachings focused on faith, trust, and believing that everything would be okay.
I've been primarily been thinking about the scripture from Matthew 6
"Do not worry about your life..."

Most of the time I am pretty good at not worrying.
I haven't always been that way.
I think if I could surround myself with more encouragement
and support and less fear mongering it would be easier to not worry.
But we live in a world of fear, and are surrounded by people, politics, and news reports that try to feed into uncertainties and fears.  It feels like the Age of Anxiety all over again.

Everyone seems to be afraid to call our current economic situation
"a depression",
But I know too many good people that are living as if it were such.
What are we to do?
There is a lot to fear out there.
In times of fear I think back to FDR's line from his inaugural address,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
But applying that to my life today can be difficult.

So many of us live with fears...

Fear of not being able to find a job,
fear of losing a job.

Fear of high blood pressure,
Fear of Cancer.

Fear of terrorist attacks,
Fear of dog attacks.

Fear of walking alone in the park,
Fear of WalMart.

A big fear in our house seems to be a fear of spiders.
Its not a fear of mine, but it is a fear of many of my girls.

Fear isn't fun. It's controlling and manipulative.
Fear, when used by politicians, or by news reporters, is intimidation
plain and simple.

When an older brother refuses to kill a spider for a younger sister ...
that is when fear is used for control, manipulation, AND intimidation!
That is fear at its worst.
(...not to say this has ever happened in our household!)

As a mom,
I deal with a lot of fear.
My own fear,
my kids fear,
financial fears,
college expense fears,
teen drug or alcohol abuse fears,
and
empty beer frig fears.

Mostly I simply fear not being there when my kids need me.

I realized this morning that the fears of a seventh grade girl
are vastly different than
the fears of
any,
other,
person in the world.

We had another one of our brief,
yet enlightening conversations on our way to school.
It went something like this...
"Only 1 more day until I have to hold some random boy's hand."
Laura said.
"What do you mean?" I asked

Then Laura explained that tomorrow they would have to be partnered up with 'some random boy' and hold their hand for dance class.

I chuckled and said,
"You have brothers.
You've held their hand.
It will be okay."

Clearly this didn't eliminate her fear.
She said, "Mom! You don't understand.
These boys never shower!
And they reek!"

I offered,
"I have some nice smelling hand sanitizer.
I'll send it with you."


She then pleaded with me to write a note that would excuse her from having to dance with 'some random boy'.

I asked, "what class is this?"
"P.E." she said.
She went on to say,
"We've been learning line dances, but tomorrow we have to start learning to swing dance."
I told her, "you will survive this, and I'll give you my hand sanitizer."

She got out of the car and
I said, "I love you!  Have a great day."

But that didn't rid her of her fears.

I could try sharing the words of FDR with her,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
I could even remind her of last Sunday's scripture,
"Do not worry about your life..."

But somehow I don't think that will help much either.

I guess we all just have to learn to live with a little bit of fear.
The key is not letting it rule our lives.
I don't think the lesson is to NEVER “be afraid”
I think it is more about not letting the fear become you,
Not letting the fear control your life, or your decisions.
"It’s one thing to have a feeling.
It’s another thing when the feeling has us."


So I will continue to work at NOT being a worry wart.
I will work on letting go of the anxiety and fear that creeps into my everyday life,
And I will focus more on having faith,
on trusting,
and believing that everything will be okay.




In case you missed a prior... school drive conversation, check out
http://steppinoutwithdwntwn.blogspot.com/2011/02/riding-bus-doing-right-thing.html

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Being 18....

18...
Do you remember turning 18?
I do.
I was a senior in high school.
I don't remember thinking too much about it other than knowing
I could now legally by alcohol.  :-)

That is right.
In the state of Kansas in 1978 the legal drinking age was 18.
I could also vote, but at the time that didn't seem as important.

Nowadays becoming 18 is still a huge 

turning point in a young person's life. 

But not in the same way as it was for me.

Caroline turns 18 tomorrow.  

Each time one of my children has hit this milestone I can't help but ask myself 

Have I prepared them for the world?

Have I done all that I can to give them the life skills and tools they need to be successful?

Its hard to answer that question.

Its true that an 18-year-old has more rights.

They also have more responsibilities.  

As an 18 year old you can work without restrictions, 

rent an apartments, buy property, 

and get a driver's license without restrictions.  

However, you still can't rent a car, and in some circumstances get a hotel room.

  

You can sign legal contracts, 

open your own bank account 

and unfortunately apply for a credit card.  

But thankfully this also means that your parents are no longer responsible for paying your bills and meeting your expenses. 

Being 18 means you can legally smoke, but you can not give tobacco to your friends who are still underage, and the penalties for illegal activity increases once you turn 18.  

The legality of having consensual sex with another person under 18 remains tricky depending on what the state laws are where you live. 

(I won't go into the moral issues right here, or right now.)

As an 18 year old you can sue someone in court, 

but you can also be sued.  

If you do commit a crime, there is no more option for juvenile hall.  

The penalties are the same as for any other adult. 

Now that you are 18, you can vote, serve on a jury, 

and if you are male, you must register for the Selective Service. 

There is a lot that goes into being 18.

But here in our house the biggest concern is ...

What do you want for your birthday dinner?

Each child, on their birthday, gets to select the meal and dessert that they desire for dinner.

Its a "take it or leave it" menu night where the whole family dines on the chosen birthday dinner.

As the family awaits the announcement of Caroline's choice,
the anticipation rises.

Will she choose something everyone will like, 

or will she choose something 'healthy'?

The final choice has not yet been selected, but regardless, 

I anticipate a great celebration for Caroline as she makes her way into adulthood.

Do you have a favorite birthday memory or a favorite birthday meal?  Mine was always Goulash and fried potatoes, one of my mom's specialties!

Here are a couple of past blogposts from her birthdays...

http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2007/02/remembering-and-memories.html

http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2008/02/caroline-jo.html


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National Honor Society & The Japan Report

This morning at 6:45am the induction ceremony for the National Honor Society at West Salem High School took place.
#6, Caroline, was on the list of inductees.
I was ready to get up early and attend, but she didn't want to go.
She said she rather sleep in.
I will admit I was not too disappointed.

I have attend National Honor Society ceremonies for some of my older kids.
While theya ceremony is a proud moment for a parent,
they are a bit dull.

I sometimes wonder if having 8 kids and experiencing the same events multiple times makes me a less than enthusiastic mom.
I try to be equally excited for each of the kids activities as if it was my first time.
But It's not always easy.

I have been to 8 States Fair,
helped with 8 World Projects,
assisted on numerous art projects,
and helped with countless gereral homework assignments.
Often times, I am embarrassed to admit, with less enthusiasm than my child deserved.
I know I have hit the 100+ count when it comes to choir concerts.
http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2007/12/79-and-counting.html
http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2009/01/79-and-climbing.html

I remember all the States Project & Fair each child presented in 5th grade complete with a relief map molded from homemade clay.
Most of the kids were assigned the State of Kansas for their project making for a very simple relief map. One child was assigned the State of Oregon. That was a bit more challenging and more time consuming, but I liked the change of pace.

By the time 7th grade rolls around the project moves from the United States to the World and a student is assigned a Country.

I always make sure the kids do their own research, typing, design, and layout.
However, It's generally been my role to help with the art work on the tri-fold display board.
Last night, together with my youngest daughter, we completed my final 7th Grade Country Project. My job was to draw a Bonsai Tree or a Japanese Castle.
I opted for the Tree!

I know I am fairly creative.
I am good with a camera.
I can sew, quilt, and tailor about anything.
I can weave baskets, engrave, and I even dabble in scrap metal projects.
But I'm far from considering myself an artist.
My mom is the artist in our family.
A number of my kids are exceptionally gifted when it comes to drawing as well.
I attribute their giftedness and talent to my mom's early instruction and encouragement.
In fact, I don't know why my daughter didn't draw her own Bonsai tree.
I think she could have done a better job than me.


She often leaves me small hand drawn pictures on my write and wipe note pad that hangs on my frig.
But I wanted her to focus on the knowledge part.
So while she researched and typed, I drew.
I think the project turned out well and I look forward to hearing how her presentation goes.

As my kids grow and make their way through school,
I don't think I will miss homework.
I know I won't miss trying to help with math assignments,
but I will miss working together with them on projects like this.






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Vision & Seeing

I went to the eye doctor today.
I hadn't been to an opthamologist since 2005 when I lived in Nebraska.
I could tell my vision had been slipping the past few years.
I guessed it was mostly due to getting older,
after all I am 50 now.
Regardless of my age, I think I still see quite well with my contacts.
Or at least I did.

The other night I lost my left contact lens.
I had a back up, but it was an old one and now my vision is compromised.
So no more procrastination for me.
I made an appointment and spent the past 2 hours it takes to get fully examined, dialate, measure, test, and re-exam my eyes.

I was right.
My eyes have gotten worse.
I didn't expect a miracle, such as...
Wow!  You're vision has imporved!
Nor did I expect a GOOD report like hearing,
Hey, No change in your vision.

But really?  Its has to be worse?
I learned today that I have a small cataract developing in my left eye.
Wonderful!
I thought cataracts were for old people.
Today isn't making me feel any younger.
But all I can do is embrace getting older.
It is better than being dead.
Or at least that is the spin I am putting on this news.

I don't feel old enough to have a cataract.
For Pete's Sake!... I still remember my first trip the the eye doctor.
When I was in grade school I always preferred to sit in the front row.  
When my teacher moved me to the back row,
I couldn't read the blackboard.
That was about the same time the elementary school health screenings van rolled around.
Remember the mobile trailer that came around to the schools and shuffled kids through checking weight, height, hearing, and vision? 
I was in the 3rd grade when they quickly determined that I should see an eye doctor.

I remember where the doctor's office was located, the exam, choosing my first pair of glasses,
but I can't remember the doctor's name.
Wait...
They guy who fitted my first pair of glasses was Laham, Bob It think.
That's not the doctor, but the guy who sold us my glasses.
(Okay, so I still have my memory, or at least bits of it.)

The most vivid memory I have is the drive home with my new eyewear.
I remember being absolutely amazed that trees had leaves!
 That grass was made of individual blades,
and flowers had very distinctive leaves, stems, and flower petals.

I think this is why I love photography so much now.
I can see and capture such detail in macro,
as well as capture details in landscapes.

I love seeing. 
I watching my family grow, laugh & love.
And I especially enjoy capturing moments with them on camera.
I do love photography and seeing through the lens of my camera.
I don't want to lose my vision or ability to enjoy photography.
I might not exercise as much as I should.
I don't always eat as healthy as I could.
But one thing is for sure,
I won't compromise my eye sight.

I have a new type of contact lens on order that should help me see more clearly.
They aren't cheap.
Contacts for someone like me who is terribly nearsighted,
has about the worst astigmatism possible,
and also needs bifocals is expensive.

But in 10 days I should see marked improvement in my vision.
I hope!




Steppin' out with DWNTWN
DWNTWNimages.me

16th birthdays and Lindsey's Dream

Just 10 short days ago Lindsey, #4, turned 23.  

Most of you know she has been in the process of moving to San Francisco.

http://steppinoutwithdwntwn.blogspot.com/2011/02/families-in-transition.html

Today, she is leaving Oregon 

and on her way to California.

It is exciting and sad all at the same time.

The excitement comes from knowing she is embarking on an adventure that will fulfill a dream.

The sadness comes from knowing we won't see her as often. 

At age 16 Lindsey walked into the Apple Store in San Francisco and said, 

"Mom, someday I am going to live here and work at Apple."  

I should begin by explaining how we, mother and daughter, ended up in San Francisco.

It was a dream of mine to take each child on a trip,
just 1 child & 1 parent, together
yet apart from all the other siblings and chaos of our busy household.
My vision was two fold:
1- to experience a big city, various cultures, mass transit, and something,
anything,
than the limitations of small town life.
Not to say that small town life isn't wonderful, it is.
But we live in a big world that is getting smaller everyday.
My job as a parent is to prepare my children for living in the world,
not just a very small part of the world they grew up in.
2- to connect with each other in a more adult way.
The teen years leading up to 16 & 17 seem to be the most difficult between parent and child.
Getting away for some one-on-one time when the relationship could be tenuous seemed like a good idea.
And with 6 of the 8 16th birthday trips down, I have to say my idea was a good one.

As chance would have it each of the girls (4 so far) have experienced San Francisco for their 16th birthday trip.  And that is how I ended up in San Francisco 7 years ago with Lindsey.

I don't think I will ever get used to watching my kids leave home.  

Good byes are never much fun, but 

I am pretty good at holding it together during good-byes. 

I typically break down once the car, plane, or train has gone from view.  

I don't know why I feel like I have to hold it together, or be strong.

I don't know why I fight back the tears.

My dad openly cried each time I had to leave even if it was only for a week or so.

I never minded his tears.

In fact, I loved him all the more because of his ability to cry with and for me.

I think it is something about being the mom...

If I cry, or worse, completely break down and sob, 

my kids might try to comfort me. 

I am supposed to be the one to comfort them, 

support them, let them know everything will be okay.

Its hard to do that through heavy tears.

I don't want them to know the worry, the fear, or the sadness I hold in my heart.

So I fight back the tears.

I suppose this might be why my mom held back tears too.

Regardless, I am confident that my daughter has made the best decision she can for herself at this time.  

We have raised her to be self sufficient and resilient.  

It is time for her to live her dreams. 

And it is exciting!

God Speed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INg5PpVzj10&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Steppin' out with DWNTWN
DWNTWNimages.me