I see the moon, at least I hope to!

I have been infatuated with the moon for as long as I can remember.

I have early memories of watching the full moon move from east to west through my bedroom window at night, and watching the moon follow us home in the car.

The moon seemed to follow me where ever I went.   My little girl mind wondered how the moon knew where to find me each night.  

How did it know where I was going be?

My infatuation and curiosity was enhanced by the Apollo missions.

I couldn't get enough of the moon.

Going to the Kansas Cosmosphere in Hutchinson was my favorite grade school field trip.

That was the first time I saw pictures of earth rising.   

My infatuation of the moon has continued to grow.

I've been fortunate to experience hundreds of full moons rising over the plains of Kansas and Nebraska.

One of my favorite moments was sitting in a field surrounded by the bluffs in northwestern Nebraska. 

As the full moon was rising in the east, 

the sun was setting in the west.  

The world seemed as if it was in perfect balance.

Being able to watch the full moon over the ocean at low tide is equally enthralling to me.

This weekend is our next full moon.

I am hoping that the clouds clear out enough that I get to enjoy its luminous smile.

According to NASA this full moon will be the brightest in 20 years because of its proximity to the earth.

It sounds like a perfect time to get out my tripod and camera.

I just wish I was back in the flat land of Kansas or Nebraska to capture it at first peek/peak over the edge of the earth.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/03/18/nasa.moon/index.html?iref=NS1

When my children were small I would sing the 'moon song' to them as I tucked them in at night:

I see the moon, the moon sees me,

peeking through the old oak tree.

Let the moon that shines on me,

Shine on the one I love.

May the moon shine bright on you tonight...

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Family VS Writing: the struggle to make time

This past week has been filled with lots of activities, events, & concerts mixed in with more job searches, resume tweaking, a Shamrock run, court dates, and house cleaning.
It's been fun, interesting, a learning process, and sometimes mundane.
But it's all good.

However, It makes it difficult to find time to blog.

Sigh.

Maybe tomorrow...


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Ripples or Finding Inspiration

When you need to be inspired, where do you look?

Sometimes it is difficult to know where to turn when I need to be inspired,
or simply need a kick in the pants.
Oh don't get me wrong, my kids are a good source for
the 'kick in the pants' I often times need.
But I am talking about something that goes a little deeper than,
"mom, when are you going to start dinner."

How do I find the inspiration I need?
Where should I look for answers unknown?

I have found answers and insight in scripture, meditation,
other people's blogs, reflective readings, music, my family,
(on occasion from within)
and most recently in an email.

Some time in the past year I stumbled upon The Ripples Project.
http://theripplesproject.org/index.php

I don't remember exactly how I came across it, but I remember liking it.
I signed up for a weekly email,
it comes each Monday morning.
Its short and sweet containing 3 inspirational quotes on the same theme.
On a number of occasions it was absolutely perfect for what I needed to hear that week.

The Monday after my dad passed away, the quotes were perfect for me.
It was also right on yesterday after my weekend 'pity party'.
The quotes have been rolling around in my head for 24 hours or so, and
I thought I might share this week's reflections with you.

PEBBLE
Make visible what, without you,
might perhaps have never been seen!
-Robert Bresson

BOULDER
When you allow your best self
to shine through
and have the courage to believe
in unlimited possibilities,
you will discover how wonderfully magnificent
you truly are!
-written & submitted by Elizabeth Hyland, author of
"Surviving The Unemployment Roller Coaster"

PONDER
It may be time to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you really are, as Ms. Hyland states above, Magnificent.  And being Magnificent means that you cannot simply shirk in the shadows, nor can you collapse into a heap because you feel overwhelmed or defeated by the (real) challenges life is presenting to you lately.

Your colleagues, your neighbors, your community, 

and indeed everyone in the entire world desperately 

needs you to release your Magnificence this week.  

So take one more moment to catch your breath 

and then hop up, dust yourself off, 

and then give us your absolute best self.  

Please, and thank you.

Peace,

Paul

A couple of things that have captured my thoughts and inspired me about that email center around the idea that I can help others see things that might not have been seen otherwise. 
This happens all the time as a parent so I know this is true.
I also have to acknowledge that when I get self absorbed,
I am less likely to allow my best self to shine through.
In fact, I tend to retreat and not want to interact with others.

"you cannot simply shirk in the shadows, 

nor can you collapse into a heap 

because you feel overwhelmed or defeated"

Uh...
Yep.
That describes how I spent my weekend.
Maybe not in a heap, but certainly trying to hide and feeling defeated.

Thankfully I didn't stay there too long.

Monday morning came and I got back up again,
Submitted more job applications, cleaned the kitchen,
mailed the bills, bought groceries, worked on Laura's quilt and
got back to the business of life.

I am not sure I felt Magnificent,
but it felt great in comparison to the previous couple of days.

If I keep at it,
if I take one more moment to catch my breath,
Then hop up, dust myself off, and give it my
absolute best, then perhaps that Magnificent feeling will come
by the week's end, at at least it might come...someday.

At least I will feel better for trying.
I am always open to more sources of inspiration...
What inspires you?

Here is the link to another inspirational piece, this time a video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG0wi1m-89o

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Attitudes & Mind over Matter

Mind over matter can work.
I believe that.
I have used mind over matter to get me through some difficult situations in my life.

I was trying to explain to my youngest daughter a few days ago about 'mind over matter'.
It was another early morning drive on our way to school that we had this conversation.

(Every morning is a great morning when I can take her to school!

Even if I do dread the sound of my alarm!)

As I started the car she said, "I think I am getting a sore throat."
"No you're not." I said in a matter of fact tone.
She looked at me quizzically.
I went on to say, "you can tell yourself that you are getting sick,
just as easily as you can tell yourself you are NOT getting sick.

Just convince yourself that you are NOT getting sick."

"Mom! That doesn't work." she said.
"Oh yes it does!" I told her.
I said, "It's Mind Over Matter. Have you ever heard that before?"
"No." she replied.

I tried to explain that mind over matter was about attitude.
Everyday you can choose whether you will have a positive attitude or a negative attitude.
You just have to decide what your attitude is going to be.

I used an example of spilling milk on yourself in the morning before heading to work or school.
You can either say, "Damn it all, this is going to be a bad day."
And then proceed to have a bad day,
Or
One can say, "Thankfully this happened at home and I have time to change my clothes.
What luck! It's going to be a good day!"

I also told her, "Attitudes are contagious.
How you act, or how your friends act, can affect everyone around."

I reluctantly mentioned the old phrase,
"If mom ain't happy, ain't No One happy!"

That at lease got a chuckle from her.
I think then she began to understand.
Then we parted ways exchanging "I Love Yous"

Not a block away from the school either a large pterodactyl
or a flock of gulls
tagged my car from hood to trunk.
My windshield was splattered with a nasty white deposit requiring me to hit the wipers to continue down the road.

I was faced with taking my own advice...
Was this some arbitrary sign of whether I would have a bad day, or not?
Could I take control of my attitude and determine the remainder of how my day would go?
I think so!

I opted to determine my own day.

Besides,
Yesterday I saw a coupon in the paper for $2 off the car wash!
Hooray, it's a good day!

(Some of you know I have been looking for a job.

Being out of work for over a year isn't helping our finances.

Its time.)

Later that same morning, the long awaited phone call from the headhunter came in.
I'd been pursuing this job for a few weeks.
After resumes,
applications,
drug testing,
4 interviews,
and a number of sleepless nights wondering if this was a good decision,
My phone was ringing!

I felt very positive about this job.
I took the call with excited anticipation!

And
I wasn't selected.
I didn't get the job.

Again I was faced with applying my own advice to self...

I wondered...
Was this a sign of something better to come?
Or did I just screw up?
I questioned myself...
Was I too open, too honest?
Too qualified, not qualified enough?
Too intimidating? (I've been told that before.)
Too Self Confident?
Not confident enough?
I don't know.
All I know is that someone else was offered the position.

And I was left to think about and decide...
Would I have a good day, or not?

I like to believe I can take control of my attitude and determine my own day.  Most of the time I am good about maintaining a positive attitude.

I try to live by the idea that every day may not be a great day, 

but there is a little bit of great in every day.  

You just have to look for the great parts.

I made it through that day fairly well,
but admittedly 
this weekend hasn't been as easy.

I've worried too much.
Our washing machine quit working.
I've struggled with feelings of inadequacy.
I nearly deleted all of my 10,000 plus photos off the external hard drive...
I've not felt confident or qualified to do much of anything.

I think we all feel inadequate at times.

We all have days or maybe even weeks when we get down on our selves.

But I try not to stay there long.

Unfortunately this weekend my family has noticed...
"When mom ain't happy, ain't No One happy!"

Damn!  I knew that would come back to HAUNT me!

I should be...
Thankful that we were able to recover the photos,
I should recognize my own skills,
But perhaps this job wasn't a good fit.
And I should not worry as much.
Lord knows my life here at home with the kids is extremely full and I was concerned how I would go back to being a full time working mother with 4 teenagers still at home.
I guess I have another week ... or more ... to figure that out.

All I know is that somehow it will be okay...

And on those occasions when things begin to fall through the cracks,

I will just view them as confetti and PARTY!

Because...

It's all Good!

Here are a few of my favorite quotes about attitude.... 

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are right!” -Henry Ford

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."  -Scott Hamilton

"Say you are well, or all is well with you,
And God shall hear your words & make them true."  -Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Do you have a favorite quote that keeps you going or kicks you in the butt when life gets tough?

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Spiders or Dancing....Do Not Be Afraid.

I've been thinking a lot about the bible readings from this past weekend.
The teachings focused on faith, trust, and believing that everything would be okay.
I've been primarily been thinking about the scripture from Matthew 6
"Do not worry about your life..."

Most of the time I am pretty good at not worrying.
I haven't always been that way.
I think if I could surround myself with more encouragement
and support and less fear mongering it would be easier to not worry.
But we live in a world of fear, and are surrounded by people, politics, and news reports that try to feed into uncertainties and fears.  It feels like the Age of Anxiety all over again.

Everyone seems to be afraid to call our current economic situation
"a depression",
But I know too many good people that are living as if it were such.
What are we to do?
There is a lot to fear out there.
In times of fear I think back to FDR's line from his inaugural address,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
But applying that to my life today can be difficult.

So many of us live with fears...

Fear of not being able to find a job,
fear of losing a job.

Fear of high blood pressure,
Fear of Cancer.

Fear of terrorist attacks,
Fear of dog attacks.

Fear of walking alone in the park,
Fear of WalMart.

A big fear in our house seems to be a fear of spiders.
Its not a fear of mine, but it is a fear of many of my girls.

Fear isn't fun. It's controlling and manipulative.
Fear, when used by politicians, or by news reporters, is intimidation
plain and simple.

When an older brother refuses to kill a spider for a younger sister ...
that is when fear is used for control, manipulation, AND intimidation!
That is fear at its worst.
(...not to say this has ever happened in our household!)

As a mom,
I deal with a lot of fear.
My own fear,
my kids fear,
financial fears,
college expense fears,
teen drug or alcohol abuse fears,
and
empty beer frig fears.

Mostly I simply fear not being there when my kids need me.

I realized this morning that the fears of a seventh grade girl
are vastly different than
the fears of
any,
other,
person in the world.

We had another one of our brief,
yet enlightening conversations on our way to school.
It went something like this...
"Only 1 more day until I have to hold some random boy's hand."
Laura said.
"What do you mean?" I asked

Then Laura explained that tomorrow they would have to be partnered up with 'some random boy' and hold their hand for dance class.

I chuckled and said,
"You have brothers.
You've held their hand.
It will be okay."

Clearly this didn't eliminate her fear.
She said, "Mom! You don't understand.
These boys never shower!
And they reek!"

I offered,
"I have some nice smelling hand sanitizer.
I'll send it with you."


She then pleaded with me to write a note that would excuse her from having to dance with 'some random boy'.

I asked, "what class is this?"
"P.E." she said.
She went on to say,
"We've been learning line dances, but tomorrow we have to start learning to swing dance."
I told her, "you will survive this, and I'll give you my hand sanitizer."

She got out of the car and
I said, "I love you!  Have a great day."

But that didn't rid her of her fears.

I could try sharing the words of FDR with her,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
I could even remind her of last Sunday's scripture,
"Do not worry about your life..."

But somehow I don't think that will help much either.

I guess we all just have to learn to live with a little bit of fear.
The key is not letting it rule our lives.
I don't think the lesson is to NEVER “be afraid”
I think it is more about not letting the fear become you,
Not letting the fear control your life, or your decisions.
"It’s one thing to have a feeling.
It’s another thing when the feeling has us."


So I will continue to work at NOT being a worry wart.
I will work on letting go of the anxiety and fear that creeps into my everyday life,
And I will focus more on having faith,
on trusting,
and believing that everything will be okay.




In case you missed a prior... school drive conversation, check out
http://steppinoutwithdwntwn.blogspot.com/2011/02/riding-bus-doing-right-thing.html

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Being 18....

18...
Do you remember turning 18?
I do.
I was a senior in high school.
I don't remember thinking too much about it other than knowing
I could now legally by alcohol.  :-)

That is right.
In the state of Kansas in 1978 the legal drinking age was 18.
I could also vote, but at the time that didn't seem as important.

Nowadays becoming 18 is still a huge 

turning point in a young person's life. 

But not in the same way as it was for me.

Caroline turns 18 tomorrow.  

Each time one of my children has hit this milestone I can't help but ask myself 

Have I prepared them for the world?

Have I done all that I can to give them the life skills and tools they need to be successful?

Its hard to answer that question.

Its true that an 18-year-old has more rights.

They also have more responsibilities.  

As an 18 year old you can work without restrictions, 

rent an apartments, buy property, 

and get a driver's license without restrictions.  

However, you still can't rent a car, and in some circumstances get a hotel room.

  

You can sign legal contracts, 

open your own bank account 

and unfortunately apply for a credit card.  

But thankfully this also means that your parents are no longer responsible for paying your bills and meeting your expenses. 

Being 18 means you can legally smoke, but you can not give tobacco to your friends who are still underage, and the penalties for illegal activity increases once you turn 18.  

The legality of having consensual sex with another person under 18 remains tricky depending on what the state laws are where you live. 

(I won't go into the moral issues right here, or right now.)

As an 18 year old you can sue someone in court, 

but you can also be sued.  

If you do commit a crime, there is no more option for juvenile hall.  

The penalties are the same as for any other adult. 

Now that you are 18, you can vote, serve on a jury, 

and if you are male, you must register for the Selective Service. 

There is a lot that goes into being 18.

But here in our house the biggest concern is ...

What do you want for your birthday dinner?

Each child, on their birthday, gets to select the meal and dessert that they desire for dinner.

Its a "take it or leave it" menu night where the whole family dines on the chosen birthday dinner.

As the family awaits the announcement of Caroline's choice,
the anticipation rises.

Will she choose something everyone will like, 

or will she choose something 'healthy'?

The final choice has not yet been selected, but regardless, 

I anticipate a great celebration for Caroline as she makes her way into adulthood.

Do you have a favorite birthday memory or a favorite birthday meal?  Mine was always Goulash and fried potatoes, one of my mom's specialties!

Here are a couple of past blogposts from her birthdays...

http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2007/02/remembering-and-memories.html

http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2008/02/caroline-jo.html


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National Honor Society & The Japan Report

This morning at 6:45am the induction ceremony for the National Honor Society at West Salem High School took place.
#6, Caroline, was on the list of inductees.
I was ready to get up early and attend, but she didn't want to go.
She said she rather sleep in.
I will admit I was not too disappointed.

I have attend National Honor Society ceremonies for some of my older kids.
While theya ceremony is a proud moment for a parent,
they are a bit dull.

I sometimes wonder if having 8 kids and experiencing the same events multiple times makes me a less than enthusiastic mom.
I try to be equally excited for each of the kids activities as if it was my first time.
But It's not always easy.

I have been to 8 States Fair,
helped with 8 World Projects,
assisted on numerous art projects,
and helped with countless gereral homework assignments.
Often times, I am embarrassed to admit, with less enthusiasm than my child deserved.
I know I have hit the 100+ count when it comes to choir concerts.
http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2007/12/79-and-counting.html
http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2009/01/79-and-climbing.html

I remember all the States Project & Fair each child presented in 5th grade complete with a relief map molded from homemade clay.
Most of the kids were assigned the State of Kansas for their project making for a very simple relief map. One child was assigned the State of Oregon. That was a bit more challenging and more time consuming, but I liked the change of pace.

By the time 7th grade rolls around the project moves from the United States to the World and a student is assigned a Country.

I always make sure the kids do their own research, typing, design, and layout.
However, It's generally been my role to help with the art work on the tri-fold display board.
Last night, together with my youngest daughter, we completed my final 7th Grade Country Project. My job was to draw a Bonsai Tree or a Japanese Castle.
I opted for the Tree!

I know I am fairly creative.
I am good with a camera.
I can sew, quilt, and tailor about anything.
I can weave baskets, engrave, and I even dabble in scrap metal projects.
But I'm far from considering myself an artist.
My mom is the artist in our family.
A number of my kids are exceptionally gifted when it comes to drawing as well.
I attribute their giftedness and talent to my mom's early instruction and encouragement.
In fact, I don't know why my daughter didn't draw her own Bonsai tree.
I think she could have done a better job than me.


She often leaves me small hand drawn pictures on my write and wipe note pad that hangs on my frig.
But I wanted her to focus on the knowledge part.
So while she researched and typed, I drew.
I think the project turned out well and I look forward to hearing how her presentation goes.

As my kids grow and make their way through school,
I don't think I will miss homework.
I know I won't miss trying to help with math assignments,
but I will miss working together with them on projects like this.






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Vision & Seeing

I went to the eye doctor today.
I hadn't been to an opthamologist since 2005 when I lived in Nebraska.
I could tell my vision had been slipping the past few years.
I guessed it was mostly due to getting older,
after all I am 50 now.
Regardless of my age, I think I still see quite well with my contacts.
Or at least I did.

The other night I lost my left contact lens.
I had a back up, but it was an old one and now my vision is compromised.
So no more procrastination for me.
I made an appointment and spent the past 2 hours it takes to get fully examined, dialate, measure, test, and re-exam my eyes.

I was right.
My eyes have gotten worse.
I didn't expect a miracle, such as...
Wow!  You're vision has imporved!
Nor did I expect a GOOD report like hearing,
Hey, No change in your vision.

But really?  Its has to be worse?
I learned today that I have a small cataract developing in my left eye.
Wonderful!
I thought cataracts were for old people.
Today isn't making me feel any younger.
But all I can do is embrace getting older.
It is better than being dead.
Or at least that is the spin I am putting on this news.

I don't feel old enough to have a cataract.
For Pete's Sake!... I still remember my first trip the the eye doctor.
When I was in grade school I always preferred to sit in the front row.  
When my teacher moved me to the back row,
I couldn't read the blackboard.
That was about the same time the elementary school health screenings van rolled around.
Remember the mobile trailer that came around to the schools and shuffled kids through checking weight, height, hearing, and vision? 
I was in the 3rd grade when they quickly determined that I should see an eye doctor.

I remember where the doctor's office was located, the exam, choosing my first pair of glasses,
but I can't remember the doctor's name.
Wait...
They guy who fitted my first pair of glasses was Laham, Bob It think.
That's not the doctor, but the guy who sold us my glasses.
(Okay, so I still have my memory, or at least bits of it.)

The most vivid memory I have is the drive home with my new eyewear.
I remember being absolutely amazed that trees had leaves!
 That grass was made of individual blades,
and flowers had very distinctive leaves, stems, and flower petals.

I think this is why I love photography so much now.
I can see and capture such detail in macro,
as well as capture details in landscapes.

I love seeing. 
I watching my family grow, laugh & love.
And I especially enjoy capturing moments with them on camera.
I do love photography and seeing through the lens of my camera.
I don't want to lose my vision or ability to enjoy photography.
I might not exercise as much as I should.
I don't always eat as healthy as I could.
But one thing is for sure,
I won't compromise my eye sight.

I have a new type of contact lens on order that should help me see more clearly.
They aren't cheap.
Contacts for someone like me who is terribly nearsighted,
has about the worst astigmatism possible,
and also needs bifocals is expensive.

But in 10 days I should see marked improvement in my vision.
I hope!




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16th birthdays and Lindsey's Dream

Just 10 short days ago Lindsey, #4, turned 23.  

Most of you know she has been in the process of moving to San Francisco.

http://steppinoutwithdwntwn.blogspot.com/2011/02/families-in-transition.html

Today, she is leaving Oregon 

and on her way to California.

It is exciting and sad all at the same time.

The excitement comes from knowing she is embarking on an adventure that will fulfill a dream.

The sadness comes from knowing we won't see her as often. 

At age 16 Lindsey walked into the Apple Store in San Francisco and said, 

"Mom, someday I am going to live here and work at Apple."  

I should begin by explaining how we, mother and daughter, ended up in San Francisco.

It was a dream of mine to take each child on a trip,
just 1 child & 1 parent, together
yet apart from all the other siblings and chaos of our busy household.
My vision was two fold:
1- to experience a big city, various cultures, mass transit, and something,
anything,
than the limitations of small town life.
Not to say that small town life isn't wonderful, it is.
But we live in a big world that is getting smaller everyday.
My job as a parent is to prepare my children for living in the world,
not just a very small part of the world they grew up in.
2- to connect with each other in a more adult way.
The teen years leading up to 16 & 17 seem to be the most difficult between parent and child.
Getting away for some one-on-one time when the relationship could be tenuous seemed like a good idea.
And with 6 of the 8 16th birthday trips down, I have to say my idea was a good one.

As chance would have it each of the girls (4 so far) have experienced San Francisco for their 16th birthday trip.  And that is how I ended up in San Francisco 7 years ago with Lindsey.

I don't think I will ever get used to watching my kids leave home.  

Good byes are never much fun, but 

I am pretty good at holding it together during good-byes. 

I typically break down once the car, plane, or train has gone from view.  

I don't know why I feel like I have to hold it together, or be strong.

I don't know why I fight back the tears.

My dad openly cried each time I had to leave even if it was only for a week or so.

I never minded his tears.

In fact, I loved him all the more because of his ability to cry with and for me.

I think it is something about being the mom...

If I cry, or worse, completely break down and sob, 

my kids might try to comfort me. 

I am supposed to be the one to comfort them, 

support them, let them know everything will be okay.

Its hard to do that through heavy tears.

I don't want them to know the worry, the fear, or the sadness I hold in my heart.

So I fight back the tears.

I suppose this might be why my mom held back tears too.

Regardless, I am confident that my daughter has made the best decision she can for herself at this time.  

We have raised her to be self sufficient and resilient.  

It is time for her to live her dreams. 

And it is exciting!

God Speed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INg5PpVzj10&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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Moving Boxes, Old Photos, & Reminiscing

Do you take a lot of photos?
I do.
It seems I take too many photos of things that don't matter much any more, or at least I used to.
I like to think I am a better photographer now than I was 30 years ago.
I suppose time (and my kids) will be the judge of that.

I also wish I had taken more pictures of my kids when they were little.
It seems I have too many pictures of scenery and things that don't matter so much now.

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about moving and how our family is in a continual state of transition.
{ http://steppinoutwithdwntwn.blogspot.com/2011/02/families-in-transition.html }
If you read the blog then you know its been 5 years since we started packing up and heading to Oregon.
The moving truck arrived June 26th, 2006.
2 weeks after that I had most everything unpacked and put away in the house.
Or so I thought.
Today I am still going through a few unopened boxes left stacked in the garage.
The moving company did a very good job of labeling the boxes so I was fairly confident that the remaining boxes were meant to be kept, but it wasn't necessary I open them for our day to day life.
Today I opened the last 3 boxes.

The contents were for the most part as expected.
But I was treated to:
almost a ream of printer paper...we were nearly out.
A box of envelopes... who can't use more envelopes?
and a half ton of old photographs.

There were old papers and documents, (that should have been tossed prior to the move),
and quickly made their way to the recycling bin.
But the photos...
I brought into the house.

I am glad that technology has advanced and photos are easily stored on the computer or discs now.
The space taken up on discs in comparison to the physical photos, and negatives is minute.
But I am also sad to think that someday down the road my kids won't have the pleasure of sitting together, sifting and sorting through the Kodak envelopes filled with photos.

There is something about peeling back the self stick flap,
pulling out a paper folder of negatives and photos,
and wondering what pictures might be hiding inside that is exciting to me. 
I saw pictures today that spanned 30+ years.
It was a bit like leafing through your life as if it had been photographed, catalogued, and neatly assembled in a coffee table style book... 
except the book wasn't assembled chronologically.
My 'paper sack', 'moving box' storage method is anything BUT chronological.
Today, I didn't mind so much.

I have never liked leaving the "Time/Date" stamp on my camera.
As a photographer, I always believed the blaring red date stamped on the front right corner compromised the photo.
And...
I have never been good about writing on the back of the pictures the date or the people in the picture. I will admit, my family disagrees with me.  They have been known to complain asking.
"How will we know who this is and when the picture was taken?"

I am pretty good at recognizing 'who and when', primarily by who I was pregnant with or when I had given birth..
When you have 8 children, I suppose that is the gage for a lot of events.
For example...."that must be #1's senior year because #8 is celebrating her 1st birthday'....

I do enjoy photography., perhaps too much.
I have been trying to take pictures that will appeal to the family.
Some of my kids are good at posing and love being in front of the lens.
Others dodge the camera making it an extreme challenge to capture them on film/disc.
And I will admit that I take too many pictures that will appeal to No One but me.
Regardless...
too many photos,
not enough photos,

I enjoyed sorting and sifting through tons of pictures today.

I sat in the garage all by myself and reminisced.
I laughed.
And I cried.
Tonight as I went through the rest of the photos with some of the family.
There was more laughter,
and more tears.
Tomorrow I will add this box of photos to the others already in the closet.
I will set them all aside and forget about them until the next time comes to clean out the closet.

I can see myself someday sifting and sorting through the boxes of photos, laughing and crying at the same time, all over again.
However, next time I hope that I am not sitting all alone in the garage.
I hope I am sitting around the kitchen table with all my kids so that together we can reminisce and catalog the 'who & when'.

{ I will most likely regret posting this old photo, but it is a great example of a picture that made me laugh.  Recently I reminisced with my brother how our folks loved to dance, especially my dad.  My brother and I used to practice dancing at home before a big school dance.  If my memory serves me, I was a junior, maybe a senior in high school.
He is a couple of years younger.
Our mom took this photo prior to our dates arriving. 
I don't miss those big glasses, but I do miss those skinny arms! }

Perhaps I should sort through all the photos, alone, just one more time
prior to my kids getting their hands on them.
There very likely could be photos more embarrassing than this one!

Do you hang on to embarrassing photos or delete them right away?



Steppin' out with DWNTWN
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Volunteerism-Part 1

Do you volunteer?
Do you volunteer often or have a favorite place where you volunteer?
What makes up a person who volunteers?
Is it boredom?
Is it court ordered?

Lack of Employment?
Desire to learn a new skill?
Or is it passion for helping others?


I think there are as many reasons why people volunteer as there are volunteers.


All I can attest to is why I volunteer.
I spent some time volunteering today at Habitat for Humanity, my former place of employment.
 {I wonder how many people end up volunteering where they used to work. 
I imagine that number might be small.} 
I saw some familiar faces in the office, and met some new ones.
The folks who have filled my former position, have asked for some assistance and history in regards to the work they are doing. 
At first I thought it might be awkward going back to the job I left,
but it wasn't.  The new staff are very welcoming.
It felt familiar, almost comfortable.

While spending some time sifting and sorting through papers and files,
the volunteer coordinator and I had a chance to visit a bit about why,
...why do people volunteer?
How do you invite more people to volunteer?
How do you explain to a group of students from Japan, why the volunteering spirit is so strong in the United States?
And ultimately she asked me, why do I still volunteering?
I answered all her questions as best I could and used a couple of stories as examples.
She asked me if I had any of what I shared could be found in the old files.
I said, "no, its just in my head."
And she said, "Its clear that you are passionate about this work."
She is right.  It isn't just information in my head, its in my heart.
She then asked me if I would begin writing the stories down for her.
I said 'yes' right off the bat.  I have never been very good at saying 'no'.

I couldn't help but wonder...
How do I begin to tell the story, the many stories?

Where do I begin?
Do I begin with... 
the ins and outs,
the whys and hows,
or my journey of volunteering and working with volunteers?
Do I begin with the people? 
The absolutely amazing people I have had the pleasure of working with over the years....
Lord knows, I have a lot of stories to tell!
I think there are good ones, if I can tell them right.

I thought to myself, "this is a huge task!  She doesn't know what she is asking of me.
Many of the stories are personal, or a better way of putting this is
I am emotionally tied to the people in the stories. 
I don't know if I can do them justice.
However, I agreed to try.

Sometimes I still wonder how I landed at Habitat for Humanity.
Many days I feel like a shy little girl from Kansas,
who is still wondering how she ended up in Salem Oregon!

When I think about it...
How does a mom/day care provider/youth minister end up working for a construction company?

Oh that's right, I started by volunteering!  
I was new in town and bored.

And, I wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

The past 4+ years I volunteered, then worked, then volunteered again at Habitat have stretched and pulled me in ways I would have never gone on my own. 
On the build site I did everything from set, pour, and strip foundations to roofing, and finishing work.  In the office I did everything from simple filing to writing newspaper articles including being interviewed for a fundraising video. 
Being bored is what got me on the build site.
Being passionate is what keeps me volunteering.

My family didn’t travel much at all when I was a kid.

I was 30 years old before I ever got on an airplane. 
But in the past 20 years or so I have been to Chicago and seen the Sears Tower.
I have seen the space needle in Seattle, Coit Tower in San Francisco, and crossed the Golden gate Bridge by car and on foot.
I’ve seen 3 Frank Lloyd Wright houses, the Lake Yellowstone Hotel, I’ve been in the book depository in Dallas.
I’ve seen the Oklahoma City Memorial and been to the top of the St. Louis Arch…
3 times, no wait... 4 times.

In my limited travels I have seen some wonderful architecture, buildings, and homes.

Yet all of these structures pale in comparison to what I have seen on Wendy St., Ford St., Samaritan Lane, or any Habitat for Humanity build site around the world.
There is something about watching a home go up that brings tears of joy.

The awe, and the wonder, that go through me when I watch walls being raised pale in comparison to standing before the greatest structures in the world. 

The ultimate is standing side by side one of my children working hard to raise that wall.

There is something about knowing that you are building with a family, and helping to house a family, that surpasses any work designed by any architect, or constructed by any company.  And sharing that feeling and experience with my children escalates the joy of it all.

Even though I haven't fit volunteering on the build site into my schedule as often as volunteering in the office or on committees, it remains my favorite kind of volunteering.


But for now... I best get to writing.

Share your passions!

Share your volunteer stories! 


Steppin' out with DWNTWN
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Looking for Work

I have been looking for work,

Yet it continues to elude me.

I don't mean household work.

There is plenty of that kind of work surrounding me.

And regardless of how much of that kind of work I accomplish,

it seems to always be there.

I am just looking for work, 

a job, 

some place that will pay me for completing tasks efficiently and on time.  

2 years and 6 months ago I blogged about my career/job/work 

http://jbrownflash.blogspot.com/2008/08/careerjobwork.html

At that time the unemployment rate was quite low and finding a job for most teenagers was as easy as applying at the nearest fast food restaurant or gas station. 

A lot has changed in the past 30 months.

A lot has changed in just half that time.

Its been 15 months since I left my last job.  

There are times I miss the work I did at Habitat for Humanity. 

I miss the ministry aspect of that job.

I miss the committees, 

the Habitat families, 

and I miss the construction work.

I don't miss the interoffice politics and struggles.

I left at the right time, 

for the right reasons.

And I have no regrets.

But its time to start looking for something.

My challenge is I am not alone in my search for a job.

I join my son, 2 daughters, a son-in-law, a former co-worker,

and thousands of fellow Oregonians.

Finding employment is vastly different now, 

than it was in August of 2008.

Oregon has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country.

In many cases adults are competing for the same minimum wage jobs as the teenagers. 

I have written and re-written my resume countless times.

I have submitted more online applications than I can remember,

and waited patiently to hear back from anyone.

All I hear is the chirping of crickets.

I am keeping myself busy with writing for a blogging service,

but that work doesn't come frequently enough to keep me out of trouble.

My photography and writing fill some of my time, but that doesn't put food on the table.

I thought about going back to school to complete my degree.  

But I have kids in college.  

It doesn't make sense to add more expense to the already unaffordable college bill.

This sounds like a lot of whining and complaining.

That is not my intent.  

I am mostly puzzled.  

I don't know what else to try.  

I have a strong skill set that would fit well in most any work environment.    

I am competent with both PC and Mac computers.  

I am detail oriented, focused, and organized.   

Being able to multi-task is ingrained in me.  

I also have the skills to evaluate and analyze various topics and situations and communicate effectively with others.   

I am a very quick study and don't shy away from difficult tasks.

I am committed, responsible, and time oriented.  

I have always been intuitive, insightful, and good with people.  
Communicating well with others has been an integral aspect of the various jobs I have held over the years.  It comes naturally to me.  

I think these skills would make me a great employee ... anywhere!

But I don't have a degree.  

I don't have that piece of paper that says I paid thousands of dollars to an institute of higher learning.  
I don't have the magic key that gets your foot in the door 
in a skinny job market that is fat with job seekers.

So I will continue to put my vast job skills to use here at home,
budgeting, establishing menus, streamlining food costs, 
mediating teenager disagreements, networking satellite siblings, 
communication specialist, scheduling queen, fulfilling janitorial duties, 
lawn and landscape care, packing/moving/transfer/storage guru, 
minor auto repair mechanic; including auto detailing, 
inventory & ordering supplies, and any other duties as assigned...
At least until a paying job comes along.

Steppin' out with DWNTWN
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Love & Roses

Portland Oregon

The City of Roses

The climate here in the Pacific Northwest is ideal for growing roses.  

 

Our Summers are warm and dry,

while our winters are mild, yet rainy.                                                                     

 

Rose gardens are prevalent here, 

and roses are frequently found growing along the roadside, and along highway medians.  

The International Rose Test Garden is also located in our area.

http://www.rosegardenstore.org/thegardens.cfm

I have always loved roses.   I don't recall having a rose bush in our yard when I was a child.

And I don't know all the ins and outs of being a great rose gardener.

I just know I love them and am always learning more.

I think my love began when I lived in Nebraska when I inherited a handful of rose bushes from the previous home owners.

I tended and added to the rose garden in the 13 years I lived there.  I was sad to leave my roses behind, but was excited to begin a new garden in a climate that was perfect for them.

This year my sister and I are both planting the 2011 Official Rose of the Portland Rose Festival Sweet Spotlight. 

Since moving to Salem, I have planted 7 roses plants, including the 2 given to me by my sister this past weekend.  

I am glad to have someone that shares my affection for this beautiful plant.

The other rose I planted this year is the Chihuly Rose.

This rose was named for Dale Chihuly the famous glass artist.  http://www.chihuly.com/home.aspx

If you seen the glass flowers in the Bellagio in Las Vegas then you have seen Chihuly's work.

Even though this is more a floribunda rose, 

(I usually prefer Hy-Brid tea roses)  

I was drawn to the rich colors of the blossoms and couldn't resist giving this a try. 

As I was planting the roses, my daughter (#7) and I had a chance to talk about the flowers and why I liked them.  She admitted hating yard work and gardening.  She also said she didn't like roses due to the thorns.  

I shared how I would prefer to be outside, digging in the dirt to doing housework any day.  

I will tolerate the thorns, pricks, pokes, and scratches I get in tending my roses any time.  The reward is the blooms I get to enjoy later in the year.

I told her Roses are a lot like love.  

It isn't always easy. 

Sometimes it even hurts.

But if you are patient, 

stick with it, 

give it some attention and care, 

you will find joy in the work.  

I reassured her the best is yet to come when 

we cut the blooms in the Spring and Summer.

My daughter also asked me, "Do you and dad have plans for Valentine's Day?"  

I said, "No, we don't."

She said, "That's sad. You should do something."

I tried to explain to her that for me it wasn't as much about what you do for your significant other on that ONE day in February.  I thought it was more about what you do for each other throughout the year.

I saw this example lived out in my parents relationship.  Mom and dad always did little things for each other throughout the year.  It was the small things, the little surprises throughout the year that make a difference over the long haul.  I remember mom putting notes in dad's lunch box for him to find later in his day.  And dad would on occasion bring mom a single red rose.  It was their tradition.

When I was with dad in the hospital last October I had the opportunity to take him outside for a bit of sunshine, as we came back in he spotted the gift shop.  

He said, "I want to by your mom a rose."  

He was very specific, "I just want one red rose, not a bunch of them, and not in a vase, just one red rose." 

His wheel chair wouldn't fit easily into the small gift shop so I said, "okay dad, I'll go in and see if they have one."

I waited nearly 10 minutes for the floral attendant.

I explained my dad's wishes and she hooked me up with one, single, beautiful, red, rose for mom.

When I walked out of the shop, dad said, "I don't have my wallet with me, but I'll pay you back."

I chuckled and told him, "Dad, its okay!  I've got it."  He said in his firm yet loving way, "NO!  I want to give your mom a flower and I'll pay you back."

He was so excited for mom to return so he could surprise her.  I used a sonic cup as a vase and tried to hide the rose behind some items on the shelf.

I know the surprise meant as much to mom to receive as it meant to dad to surprise her.  

The love my parents shared for over 50 years has extended to us 7 kids, their 19 grand kids, and everyone they met.

Their love was contagious.  

When they learned a favorite nurse was working late on her birthday, they both agreed to pass the one, single, red, rose along.  

The surprise gift brought tears of joy to the birthday girl on a very long, hard day.

 When it came time to bury my dad last December the mortuary began explaining the multitude of floral options for the casket.  Mom interrupted the flower schpeel in the same firm, yet loving way dad had with me and said, "I know exactly what I want. One, Single, Red, Rose. And we'll provide it."

Then mom shared the story and tradition her and dad had shared for so many years.

It was then I realized where I developed a love for roses,  It was from my parents and the love they shared.

To everyone out there whether you are married, single, widowed, divorced, or still longing for that special someone remember, how much money you spend on February 14 is NOT what is important.

What makes a difference is the amount of care, and attention you give throughout the year to the loved ones in your life.

I suggest you make time this year for little surprises.

The Best is Yet to Come!

Happy Valentine's Day

Steppin' out with DWNTWN 

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